Practicing Self Compassion – to rebuild confidence

Practicing self compassion_Jodie Cooper_positive psychology coach and wellbeing workshops_2023
Practicing self compassion may well be one of the most important things you learn this year. Too many people focus on what they do wrong, where they failed or the times they missed the mark instead of noticing the things they did well. (Which is pretty normal when we take into account the negativity bias.) 
 
But here’s the truth: we are not perfect. And we’re not supposed to be.

As philosopher Immanuel Kant said, “From the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing was ever made.”
Our imperfections are what make us human—and embracing that is powerful.
 
Self compassion enables motivation, lifts confidence and builds resilience. However it’s often underused and misunderstood.
 

What is Self Compassion

Kristen Neff breaks self compassion into three core elements. 

1. Mindfulness: Recognise your thoughts and feelings without judgment. E.g. “I’m feeling really frustrated—and that’s OK, given what I’m dealing with.”

2. Common Humanity: Understand that setbacks are part of being human. You’re not alone. E.g. “Everyone messes up sometimes. I’m not the only one in this boat.”

3. Self-Kindness: Offer yourself care and understanding, just like you would to a friend. E.g. “I need a short walk to clear my head before I do anything else.”

What Self-Compassion Looks Like

It’s finishing a stressful week and saying, “I’ve done my best given the circumstances,” instead of, “I should’ve done more.” It’s taking a break without guilt. It’s choosing kindness over criticism—and moving forward, gently…. accepting that imperfection is a natural part of life.

Imagine having someone follow you around all day pointing out every mistake. You’d lose confidence pretty quickly. But that’s exactly what many of us do with our own inner voice. Self-compassion flips the script.

Practising Self-Compassion in Daily Life

Here are some simple ways to be kinder to yourself:

  • Think of what your best friend would say—and say that.

  • Take a walk. Breathe. Shift your energy. (The beach always gives me a fresh perspective.)

  • Zoom out: Will this still matter in five years?

  • Do something kind for your body—rest, stretch, move, eat well, get outside. 

  • Connect with someone uplifting. (Or, yes, a dog absolutely counts.)

 

Self-compassion isn’t a “soft” skill—it’s a smart one. It stops the downward spiral and helps you stay aligned with your values, your purpose, and your sanity.

👉If you’d like to explore this further, you might enjoy my article on Santosha —a beautiful idea about balance and contentment.

And if you’re ready to build a kinder, more sustainable mindset, coaching can help. Just reach out—I’m always happy to chat.

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