You wake up tired, and the list is already longer than the day. You can name everything you got wrong this week.
Ask what went well and you need a minute.
And somewhere at the back of your mind there’s a quiet question. Is it just me?
It isn’t. And if positive mental health feels out of reach right now, there’s a good reason.
The problem isn’t you.
Most of the people I work with overthink their challenges and underestimate their strengths. They don’t notice what they’re doing well, or the hard things they’ve already come through. That’s what a human brain does in a world it wasn’t built for.
What’s really going on
Your brain took millions of years to become what it is. For most of that time we lived in small groups, deeply embedded in the natural environment around us. Our brains’ main job was keeping us alive. We’ve had mobile phones for about twenty years. See the problem?
Picture riding a bike through a city you don’t know. There’s a true crime podcast in your ears. Traffic is coming from every direction. And you’re thinking about a meeting you need to get to.
That’s a lot for one head. It’s also a fairly ordinary Tuesday. Then there’s the negativity bias. That’s a plain way of saying your brain is wired to spot what’s going wrong before it notices anything else.
A few years ago my family was hiking the Tarn Shelf in Tasmania. It was spring. There were wildflowers, a lake off to our right, and the kids were giggling up ahead.
Then a tiger snake crossed the path.
We all stepped back. The flowers were gone. The lake was gone. All any of us could see was the snake.
That was my brain doing its job. Our ancestors were very good at this, which is why we’re all here.
The trouble is that the same alarm now goes off for an overflowing inbox, a meeting running over or your kid not putting their phone away, again. Nothing there can hurt you. Your brain reacts anyway, and a lot of us spend most of the day in fight or flight.
Four things your brain does without asking
It scans for danger. A client told me a white van pulled up behind her recently. Within seconds, her mind had gone to the worst case.
It takes shortcuts. Whatever you did yesterday, your brain will happily do again today. Coffee for breakfast three days running and it becomes a habit.
It compares. Your kid’s Book Week costume next to everyone else’s. Underneath that is a very primitive need to belong to the group.
It searches for meaning. Your son leaves his broccoli, and suddenly you’re a terrible mum.
None of this means your brain is broken.
Positive mental health is something you build
It isn’t happy thoughts. And it isn’t pretending the hard things aren’t there. The way I define it, positive mental health is:
- Being confident in who you are
- Having the capacity to manage what’s in front of you
- Feeling connected to the people who matter
- Getting clarity on your priorities
- Knowing you’re making a contribution
Confidence doesn’t mean walking into a room and announcing you’re amazing. It means you can manage what’s happening inside you as well as what’s happening around you.
It also isn’t the opposite of mental illness. Someone can be living with depression and still have days where they’re doing well. Someone else can be going fine and have something really hard going on in the back ground. Both are normal.
Here’s the part I find hopeful. Your brain keeps changing for your whole life. That’s neuroplasticity. The thoughts you run most often become the easiest ones to run, which is why “I’m lazy” or “I’m not good enough” can feel like facts. They’re well-worn tracks. And tracks can be rebuilt.
Positive mental health isn’t something you have or don’t have. It’s something you strengthen.
One small thing to try: find the “and”
- Notice the default. When something goes wrong, your attention lasers into it. That’s the snake on the path. Try to catch it happening.
- Name the hard bit. Say it plainly. “This bit is really hard.” You’re not brushing it aside.
- Add an “and”. “It’s raining, and the beach will be empty.” “It’s raining, and my cocker spaniel will love every muddy puddle.” “It’s raining, and I can do hard things.”
The “and” doesn’t cancel the hard part. It gives you enough room to step back and see what else is true.
There’s research behind this. Dr Barbara Fredrickson found that positive emotions widen our attention, and from there it’s easier to learn something new or reach out to a friend. I call it an upward spiral. One small good moment is where it starts.
Where to go from here
Is this easy? Not really. But there is a process, and it starts small. It’s the same place we begin in the Positive Mental Health Program: understanding what your brain is doing, then building from there. If this resonates, you can start by downloading the guide, 5 Practical Ways to Strengthen Your Mental Health at Work.
